Between my four walls and whats behind your monitor

i'm the kind of person that will sleep in my socks just in case my house catches fire and i have to run outside.
i plan my death in my head and try to imagine who would cry at my funeral
i execute self destruction to see who will bring me flowers in the hospital
i lie to make my story seem more tragic then it is
i drink to get drunk because i hate the taste of alcohol
i listen to sad songs to enhance the brokeness of my broken heart
i want pity, but i hate crying in front of my family
i break down over the smallest things
i make plans i know i cant carry out
i talk to people i hate- while pretending to be their friend
then i criticize people who the same thing
i sleep in my clothes because im too lazy to get changed
i dont always wash the makeup off my face
i dream of freedom while i waste my money on things that hold me back from my dreams
i find love in all the wrong places
i take advantage of the good things i have in life
i say terrible things that i regret seconds later
i cry myself to sleep because its a comforting feeling of hopelessness
i lie awake and claim i cant sleep when the truth is i'm waiting for something
and i know its never coming.